I dread nightfall. Experience has shown me, that the hours ahead hold, an obnoxious concoction of one part leg cramps, two parts Braxton Hicks and a massive dose of heartburn mixed with indigestion. In preparation, for the nighttime pregnancy side affects, I create a pillow tower, in the hope that sleeping in a disastardly uncomfortable upright position, just might soothe the pain.
Its the heart burn that is the worst. I have dealt with it in each pregnancy and true to the old wives tail, I have had babies born with full heads of hair. Can I offer to receive a bald baby in exchange for no heartburn?
As with most of my ailments I shy away from doctors advice and seek medical attention via Facebook. Chew on some fruit tingles they say, eat Chocolate paddlepops, is the overwhelming response of the majority. Who am I to deny the chance to become a medical experiment in dealing with heartburn. I buy both in ample quantities.
Night falls and in preparation I devour a chocolate paddle pop followed by one or two fruit tingles. I place the rest of them by my bed and hope that this is one experiment that has overwhelmingly positive results.
Perhaps it is a fluke or maybe just all in my head. One trial does not conclusivly end the experiment. So the next night I continue with the Facebook doctors orders and take my preventative dose of medicine.
NO HEART BURN.
For a whole week I continue my new ritual. It has side effects. I start craving chocolate Paddle Pops at other random times of the day. My children begin to develop addictions to whinging at me for a fruit tingle. But I persevere, in the name of medical science of course.
Yesterday. In the middle of the day, my old friend heartburn seeks his vengeance. Feeling abandoned, he has snuck up on me and tricked me into taking my medicine at noon instead of night.
Nightfall. Perhaps I should skip my dose tonight. Afterall I have already had a chocolate ice cream today.
As I lay down it is only minutes until that old sensation overcomes me. He is there lurking and laughing. Heart burn is back and struck with a greater force then before.
HE WILL NOT WIN.
Today I am stocking up on my medication of choice. Who am I to argue with my now conclusive experiment. In order to avoid preganncy related heart burn, one must take a dose of chocolate ice-cream and pop a few fruit tingles before going to bed. EVERY NIGHT. You must complete the full course of the prescription. Do not try to skip a dose.
So thankyou Facebook Doctors, for your Chocolate Paddle Pop and Fruit Tingle prescription. Together we have started the good fight against heartburn.